yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
