You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
