I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
