I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
