dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
