Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
