Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The uberlube is also flammable
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
