I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
