the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
