all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
