Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
