you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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