In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
