I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
