Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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