I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
two words: eviction party
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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