Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
