I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
