I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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