He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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