thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
