So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize