Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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