We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize