Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
