woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
