hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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