sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
