he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
