I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
