Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
