I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
do herpes really smell.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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