Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
