I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
