I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
