My brain says no but my pants say off.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize