Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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