DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
