my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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