Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
