I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize