The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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