R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
