If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
