First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
