ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
