I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
