1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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