It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize