Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
