I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I want her autograph on my taint
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
