I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize