best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
