some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This can only be settled by a dance off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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