i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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