Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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