I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize