i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
