RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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