I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
