Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
