Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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