I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
