I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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