she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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