Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
