how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I smell stomach acid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
