We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
