Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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