Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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