I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Couch. On fire.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
