she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
