3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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