I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
