the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
a search helicopter?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
